You Can’t Always Get What You Want.

women-39-s-crescent-sunshine-hoodie-A58P_EY8_heroI need this in my life. I don’t think you understand. I went to REI the other day and wore it around the store for a good 30 minutes. The only is $95. Say WHAAAATTT!?!?!! I don’t have a job over here. I seriously CAN NOT buy this. But I don’t think you realize how bad I WANT it.

I have never been in a position where I couldn’t buy what I wanted for myself. Obviously, there was always a limit and I am actually pretty good at using self control when it comes to spending money. I really like having money in my bank account and I hate having to take money out of savings. HATE it. In the entire time I have been unemployed (minus my jewelry business) I have not taken money out of my savings. I am really proud of myself for that.

I have to admit. Today was extremely difficult. I walked around the store trying really hard to talk myself out of buying this sweatshirt. I mean for one, it is a $95 sweatshirt! It is not made of gold or anything but in every other way it is perfect. But still, completely impractical for that price. At least for the moment anyway…

Another reason I had a difficult time saying no was because, as you know, my birthday was a week-ish ago and my grandma sent me a check for $100. Perfect, right!? Wrong. Instead of being able to buy myself something totally AWESOME, I got to buy a new car battery. yaay. Also, even if I didn’t need the battery, I wouldn’t have been able to spend this money on it. It wouldn’t have been a smart decision for me. I really don’t like to make bad decisions. It totally gives me anxiety.

I have never been in a situation like this before. This is the weirdest and probably one of the worst parts about not having a job. I have ALWAYS had a job. I have never had to REALLY tell myself no to something I want THIS BAD. I would like to point out that I am a terrible shopper to begin with. If I find something I really like in the store, I normally try it on and if I love it, I put it back and if I am still thinking about it in a day or 2 then I can go back and get it. It is even worse when I have a gift card or when I was younger and my dad would take me school shopping and gave me a budget. That gift card stays with me for MONTHS until I find something that I REALLY want or need. Something that makes me feel like I am getting my moneys worth. Ya know? And going shopping with my dad lasted months because I could never justify the money on things. He had to find ways to entertain himself because we would go shopping all the time and never buy anything. But that is a story for another day.

I guess this is just me and my firstworldproblems but it still affecting me. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I am unable to take care of myself how I want to right now. In the way of being independent and all. Don’t get me wrong. For being jobless, I have it pretty good. I have a really great  AMAZING support system and I thankfully have Premier Designs because I don’t know where I would be without those 2 things. But really though. I am just not used to not being able to do the things that I want (within reason). I don’t really like it. BUT, this is where I am supposed to be right now. Things will work out eventually. And hopefully sooner, rather than later.

I hope you don’t take this as complaining. I’m not upset about the sweater (even though I totally want it), I am more upset with the situation. I am adjusting.  I also don’t want this to be taken as I have always gotten everything I have ever wanted. I am used to working and just really good at budgeting what I earn.

But back to the sweater, Cody and I decided that I could buy the sweater once I got a job or if I get a $2000 month with Premier Designs. I hope either one of those comes soon.

PS. sorry about the DUMB spacing in this. WordPress is being stupid.
(if it isn’t dumb, then cool. WordPress fixed itself)

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